Dream Resume

Recently, while looking for information about the art-making technique of décollage, which perhaps most accurately describes the compositional process of my upcoming recording project, I came across something new to me: the surrealist game of making Dream Resumes. In a Dream Resume, you create a resume for yourself based on the things you've done in your dreams. I thought this was very neat, so without further ado...

Ryan Purchase, M.Mus: Curriculum Vitae

Adventure pilot, neglectful father, daredevil chauffeur, bumblebee

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Ottawa, Ontario K1X XXX

613.XXX.XXXX

xxxx.xxxxxxxx@gmail.com

http://ryanpurchase.com

   CAREER HIGHLIGHTS

2011 - Chauffeured several passengers, including small children, on icy highways, at night, with eyes closed

2011 -  Navigated a shrinking automobile on a nonstop voyage through the mountain ranges of British Columbia, Switzerland, and Mordor

2010 - Discovered a plethora of hidden crawlspaces in a 200-year-old home

2009 - Member of all-star band on cruise ship; transformed crew bar area into detachable amphibious vehicle and terrorized civilians while docked in Helsinki, Finland

2004 - Effortlessly seduced female bartender in Akureyri, Iceland

1993 - With my father as co-pilot, I piloted a two-seater plane over a remote island in the Pacific ocean. The island was the cone of one dormant volcano, and a perfectly see-through lake had formed in the bowl. It remains the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. Then we went to a Halloween party!

   EDUCATION

2010 - Attended orientation at unidentified Midwestern US College

-campus designed to resemble a very modern mall

2011 - Wrote high school Advanced English Literature final exam without ever attending a lecture or reading the text, pantsless.

1996-2009 - Extensive training in trying to punch B.L. by the lockers, but then suddenly going into slow-motion and completely missing him. This training culminated in waving amicably at B.L. in a sunny park in springtime, 2011.

   WORK EXPERIENCE

Trucking/Crime prevention

Duties: driving 16-wheeler along east coast with my dad. Following a picnic lunch on the beach, my father hijacked the truck and proceeded south at dangerous speeds, while I hung on to the door handle and repeatedly shouted, “this isn’t funny!”

Freelance Brakeman/Childcare

Duties: activated emergency brake on passenger train leaving station, because I’d forgotten my infant son in his stroller near the “Departures” display board.

Retail Management

Duties: overseeing sales team in successful electronics store co-owned by my sister. Also lived in store after hours (kitchenette and king-sized Murphy bed).

Courier

Duties: running back and forth for no discernible reason between a public library and the second floor (requiring extensive repairs to hardwood flooring) of a shop in Chinatown.

   SCHOLARSHIPS, AWARDS, AND GRANTS

1998 -  After turning me into a bumblebee at the waterslide park, Colin Neufeld’s girlfriend said I learned more quickly to fly than anyone else she’d turned into bees.

   OTHER INTERESTS AND ACTIVITIES

Climbing precarious stairs

At considerable personal risk, I often climb poorly-designed, narrow, stone bell-towers.

Falling

1982 (age 4) - confronted Satan on a mountaintop and was pushed off

1997 (age 20) - rode a malfunctioning cable-less magnet-powered green glass elevator, and plummeted to my death


   REFERENCES
Nameless Bartender, Karolina Restaurant - Akureyri, Iceland